The Katy Trail: Where Seinfeld Comes to Life

Before I begin my story, let’s remember one of the best episodes ever of Seinfeld:

[George’s Car]

GEORGE: Boy that-that bank clock is-is eight minutes off.

MIRANDA: Then why don’t you just run IT over too?


(George sees a lone pigeon in the middle of the road – shot of George’s worried face – back to the pigeon, as the car is almost on top of it and still not moving out of the way. George swerves the car to avoid hitting the pigeon. George pulls the car over and stops)

MIRANDA: George, what are you doing?

GEORGE: Did you see that? That-that pigeon didn’t move! I had to swerve to get out of the way! I saved that pigeons life!

MIRANDA: What pigeon? You drove right into that squirrel. (leaves the car)

GEORGE: Squirrel? Well, we have no deal with THEM!

Now that we’re caught up, let’s talk about what I did on the Katy Trail yesterday. It was about 3 p.m., and I’d been riding for, eh, maybe an hour or so. My gears were starting to squeak from the heat, and I was tired and ready to head home. My fiancee was about three bike lengths behind me.

As we approached the Fitzhugh Avenue overpass, heading south, a squirrel ran out in front of me. When I mean “out in front of me,” what I really mean is that this mammal with a death-wish sprinted directly under my front tire. I hit him (it makes me feel better thinking it was a manly squirrel that can sustain the power of a machine fueled by a 170-pound man), then immediately looked back.

He was gone, but I caught the equal parts horror and disgust glance of my fiancee. As I turned back around, a lizard skittered in front of me. Knowing that the squirrel probably survived, and fled, I swerved and missed the lizard.

Ten seconds later, my fiancee came up to me, stared, and kept peddling. She later mentioned something about Jeffrey Dahmer, and serial killers’ predilection for torturing animals.

Now my question is this: I was in the right, here, right? I looked back, the squirrel was gone. If I kept going and didn’t swerve, I would’ve killed the lizard. I felt like I was trapped in a real-life prisoner’s dilemma, all in about two seconds.


4 thoughts on “The Katy Trail: Where Seinfeld Comes to Life

  • June 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Always kill squirrels.

  • June 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    If you want to efficiently kill squirrels (and you know you do), get a bb gun.

  • June 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Congrats on your upcoming wedding! This has less to do with squirrels and lizards. They are fair game. Now, the stare down and references from your fiance? You have to live with her expectations. I suggest couple’s counseling.

  • June 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Couples counseling is where I would start as well. You both have to be on the same team when it comes to knocking off squirrels.


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