By: Kimberly Knight
The term “anticipatory grief” may be new to you. However, if you or someone you know is a caregiver, you may be dealing with it without realizing it.
In my role at The Senior Source, I work with a lot of caregivers and see it frequently. In fact, I’ve dealt with it myself, particularly this year as my family has experienced significant losses.
So, what is it, and what are some healthy ways to deal with it?
Anticipatory grief is when we know a loss is coming and we start mourning long before the loss occurs. This anticipation of a loss can be just as real and painful as the grief that follows a loss. This type of grief can particularly impact caregivers as they watch the slow decline of a loved one.
This can show up in thoughts like, “They may never enjoy their favorite meal again,” or “We won’t be able to take that dream vacation together,” or the heartbreaking realization, “They no longer recognize me.”
Neighborhood Spotlight
Park Cities
Where the Park Cities Stay Connected.
What can we do about anticipatory grief? Here are six tips that have helped me, and might help you, too:
Acknowledge it. The first step is recognizing that anticipatory grief is real and valid. Don’t dismiss your feelings or tell yourself you shouldn’t be grieving before the actual loss occurs.
Talk about it. Even if you’re an introvert like me, find someone you trust to talk to. Sharing your feelings can lighten the load and help you process what you’re going through.
Find healthy outlets. Wine and whiskey are not it. Grief needs an outlet. Find healthy ways to express your emotions through journaling, art, music, exercise, or spending time in nature. Find what works for you and make it a regular practice.
Focus on the present. While it’s natural to mourn the future, try to focus on the present moment. Savor the time you have with your loved one and find joy in small things.
Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Grief is a process, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.
Seek professional help. If you’re struggling to cope with anticipatory grief, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Your primary care doctor or therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.
Holding space for grief is an important part of the caregiving journey, but it doesn’t have to define it. By acknowledging your feelings, finding healthy outlets, and practicing self-compassion, you can navigate this quiet grief and find moments of peace and connection amidst the sadness.
If you are a caregiver and need support or have questions, contact The Senior Source’s Caregiver Support Program at 214-823-5700 or [email protected].
Kimberly Knight, a Certified Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia Care Trainer (CADDCT) and Certified Dementia Practitioner (CDP), is the caregiver support program director at The Senior Source. The Dallas nonprofit, aiming to enhance the quality of life for older adults in North Texas, helps more than 25,000 seniors and their families annually.
