D Magazine Publishes Insane List and Knocks University Park to Number 7

Our step cousin D Magazine has launched a nasty spit wad at the Park Cities with their July issue in which they ranked the burbs based on safety, education, housing values, and ambiance. I lovingly send this super wet loogie in response to the absurdity of University Park falling to number 7. Highland Park remained number 6 which is a tad on the insulting side too.

The following items were obviously excluded from the formula to hurt us.

1. Ratio of turrets to homes built before 2009.
2. Number of banks.
3. Ratio of prostitutes to other area residents.

Here’s what totally screwed us:

1. The white van, the rubber gloves and the freaking mass e-mails.
2. The Leagues.
3. Queue lane chaos.

Author

Merritt Patterson